What the hell was I thinking? Mastering self-talk, Part 2

Ever caught yourself thinking, Why do I always do this? or Wow, that was dumb (before you even realize what's happening)? That's your inner dialogue at work, constantly running in the background and influencing your emotions, decisions, and reactions.

Sometimes this inner voice helps us problem solve or alerts us to something important. But often it's just running on autopilot, following thought patterns we didn't consciously choose.

In Part 1 we talked about the brain's built-in negativity bias and how it tends to focus on what's wrong rather than what's right. Many of the negative thoughts we have are simply habits so ingrained that they kick in before we even decide how to feel about a situation. This happens because of automatic thought patterns: neural pathways that have been strengthened over time. The stronger the pathway, the faster those thoughts fire off like passengers on a speeding freight train, making us react instead of respond.

But here's the good news: While our brains are wired for negativity, they're also wired for change. Remember the term neuroplasticity I mentioned last time? We can reshape our thought patterns with practice. We're not stuck with automatic reactions; we can rewrite the script.

How to take inventory of self-talk

Before we can change our self-talk, we need to understand it. That's where the Self-Talk Inventory comes in. This simple exercise helps us see our thought patterns in action so we can start shifting them.

Step 1: Pick a week and a log

Choose a week to track your self-talk and select a notebook or journal to record it.

Step 2: Track self-talk for 3-4 days

You don't need to track thoughts every day; just pick three or four days within the same week. It's ideal to jot thoughts down within an hour of having them, but if that's not practical, set aside time at the end of the day to reflect. Pay special attention to negative thoughts, but also note any unexpected positive ones.

For each thought, write down:

• Day and time: When did the thought occur?

• Situation: What was happening at the time?

• Mood: How did you feel emotionally?

• Self-talk: What exactly did you say to yourself?

Step 3: Analyze the patterns

Once you've completed your log, look for themes:

• What stands out the most?

• Were any patterns surprising?

• Do certain situations trigger negative thoughts?

• What kinds of automatic thought loops do you have?

• Pick one or two situations and reflect on what might have happened if you had responded differently

Why this matters

You might be thinking you already know you have negative thoughts and don't need to write them down. But trust me: seeing them in black and white makes a huge difference. When you see them written down in front of you, it makes them undeniable, it makes them real. It creates awareness, and awareness is the first step toward change.

Remember these three key truths about your inner dialogue:

• Negative thoughts aren't "bad;" they're just thoughts.

• We don't have to believe everything our minds tell us.

• We can rewrite the script and challenge those thoughts.

Our self-talk shapes how we see ourselves and the world. When we start paying attention to it, we gain the power to shape it into something that serves us rather than something that holds us back.

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